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January 01 What's NextNow, I've almost had everything I wanted. Perhaps, I had get rid of the
people I don't really like... Maybe chose the people I can really call
friends... Given my family the treatment that they truly deserve... But
still, it all seems to be senseless! Off course, I am happy for others!
Knowing that I've done my best to make things work for them and stuff;
you know maybe I've done enough for others. So much that somewhat I've
realized I have to be happy not just for others but for myself too! For
years, I struggled hard to please my family, I worked hard to help the
people around me. And now, I'll be turning 19 - I thought, what have I
done to make me truly happy? Off course, for once I did one thing... -
and now for heaven's sake, I am dealing with it miserably! For once in
my life I tried to do something I really wanted when I was 16 and poof!
It became coco crunch! haha.. It started to mess my entire life for
good! Now everything has been said and done, well what can I do? Except
for unending apologies - nothing! I just have to live with it. The fact
that when I was 16, I jumped into a pool of shit and pushed all the
chances away! Its been almost three years now... Things changed and so people do.. And then I asked myself, did I ever change? Have I ever realized my mistakes and recover from them? Or have I just been too pretentious that I was able to fool myself? Off course! I tried to do good things for others, but now I know, I forgot to do the most important thing for me - I forgot to do good to myself! For months, I have been crying over a spilled milk. I tried to recover and just as I thought I was, I've had my reality checked! And just as always, I had been hoping for nothing! I had been working for nothing and worst- learning nothing! This New Year, though I never really tried before, I would like to make my resolutions. It took me more than hours to make even just one. EVEN JUST ONE! But unfortunately, I could never think of anything I could possibly or impossibly attain! Why? Its not that I'm perfect or I'm trying to be. It's just that I've learned that I was working with so many things that I have to pick up pieces first to have something. I thought, how would I make resolutions when I do not really know what to make or break? When I do not really know what I want? Where I'm heading to? How could I possibly write down new things where as in fact, i do not know myself now? I do not know what goals should I be aiming or what plans should I be dealing! I've been to hard on myself I forget that the most important thing is, you are fulfilling what you truly aimed for. Not just what comes in the way and make choices out of it! ==>> Now, its January 2009, I do not have any New Years Resolution check list but for sure, I know what to do next! May 20 it is something There is one thing i am uncertain of but i know exist! Do you know what it is?  Thanks for visiting!
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Love and Kisses 
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